The research is in! It actually helps children to have more free time.
When your kids tell you they are bored, should you rush in to appease them or ignore them? Here’s some advice on how to deal.
Child experts believe that children don’t get bored unless they have been conditioned to require constant external stimulation and entertainment. Louise Favaro, head of Student Services at Chatsworth International School, agrees. “When a child expresses boredom to the parent, it is viewed as a problem that needs to be fixed. Parents often fall into the trap of trying to appease their child’s every need, so when it comes to boredom, their response is to jump in and try to rescue the child from it.”
These parents, who feel responsible when their children are bored, tend to respond by giving them more structured activities. But research indicates that this is actually counterproductive. A never-ending diet of activities is as exhausting for children as it is for parents. Children need downtime to allow them to make sense of what they have learnt and experienced.
The more we don’t allow children to be bored, the more accustomed they get to being entertained, whether it is by a parent, caregiver or technology. Expecting life to be a roller coaster of constant entertainment is not good preparation for the adult world. It’s only when kids are faced with boredom that they have the incentive to be resourceful and self-reliant.
Unstructured time allows children the opportunity to engage with themselves and the world – to imagine, invent and create. Children need to figure out how to use their free time or they will never learn to manage it.
Says Dr. Lim Boon Leng, a psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre: “If you provide excessive structure and activities for your child every minute of the day, he will lose the opportunity to explore his inner and outer world by himself,” adding that having downtime or unstructured time gives your child time to think about his feelings and understand himself better.
“If you refrain from reacting when he says he’s bored, not only will he learn to explore his inner world, he will start to explore the outer world as well,” says Dr. Lim. “He will notice the things around him more, like observing ants on the ground. He will rely on his own creativity and imagination for play, such as using a ruler as a sword and stacking up books to form towers,” he adds.
“The best way to help your child with boredom is to do nothing at all!” says Dr. Lim. “Tolerating boredom is an important skill for your child to acquire. If you start fretting when your child is bored, this will only reinforce the complaints. Don’t react excessively. This way, the child will learn that boredom is something they can learn to cope with.”
Says Louise: “If you respond with ‘That’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with being bored, I’m sure you’ll think of something to do’, she will probably go off and find something to do. She is now being encouraged to think in a different way and find something she likes to do.”
To stimulate their imagination and develop creativity, children need free time to play and observe the world around them. Kids today don’t get much of a chance to entertain themselves, often because they spend too much time on the computer, tablet or TV, which doesn’t help them learn to sidestep boredom.
“We overuse devices for entertainment and it’s a genuine problem,” says Louise. “If you always hand them a device to alleviate boredom, that’s what they’re always going to need. But parents can set limits on this.”
Still, it takes time for children to learn to keep busy on their own, simply because the concept is new to them. Our children have been exposed to so much screen time that “they are not used to engaging in unstructured play,” says Dr. Lim.
When parents first start putting limitations on screen time, it is common for kids to feel like there is a void, and they can even react with anger, says Louise. “Tell them you understand they are unhappy, but don’t give in. When you ask them to do something that doesn’t involve a screen, you might need to do it with them at first, whether it’s an art project, science experiment or a game of cards. Once they realise they enjoy it, they are more likely to do something similar on their own, because they have experienced it with you.”
If you are still at a loss on with what to do with mini-me when he gets restless (especially when boredom sets in), try getting him to mind his manners through a novel way: Mindfulness. Aimed to helped him focus, be aware and connect to others and the world, this approach is meant to empower individuals to take stock of what’s happening in and around them, without getting stressed out. Through mindfulness, your child will learn to feel less anxious and increase his ability to pay attention.
It’s become increasingly popular and even accepted in educational institutions. Over the past three years, more than 10 primary and secondary schools in SG have introduced “mindful breathing” sessions. Some of these schools have reported that students who have experienced such sessions, have developed greater self-awareness and better concentration.
If the school where the little puck attends does not have mindfulness sessions, try Aspire Counselling. It offers mindfulness as one of its therapies. The self-help techniques it teaches are not only applicable to your child, but beneficial to your entire fam as well.
By Sunita Shahdadpuri, Simply Her, November 2015/ Some text adapted from www.youngparents + www.straitstimes.com/ Additional reporting: Hazel Vincent De Paul + Christopher Ong Ujine, 20 August 2018
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